Just a rant, but with a happy ending...

Some days are really hard on me...my patience gets tested to the limits.  Today was one of those days.  I had to be at work early this morning, which meant getting all the kids up and out the door when we typically wouldn't have had to.  Work went just fine, and I even got out of there a little earlier than I'd thought.  I was dragging though, so came directly home to just chill on the couch as the kids watched a movie.  Then, up and out the door again hoping to get some grocery shopping done.  But after I got into town, I had to turn right back around to help my brother return a truck that he'd borrowed while his was in the shop.  Okay, got him where he needed to go, and then headed to Walmart again.  As soon as I got in the store, Jamie called me.  I couldn't talk and shop and keep my eyes on 5 kids at the same time (I like to call myself SuperMom, but it just wasn't gonna happen this time).  I pass the phone to the girls so they could talk to their dad.  I start browsing some of the clearance racks when we see a close friend of ours.  So, I get rid of Jamie on the phone, and chat with our friend for a bit.  After that, as now the kids are getting restless, I go back to my browsing.  Levi decides he's done sitting in the basket.  He starts whining, and I give him my purse to hold to pacify him...but that lasts for maybe 2 minutes.  He wants up.  I don't like to give into fits that my kids throw.  Of course, that's pretty much impossible to prevent when you are in public.  You wouldn't believe the stares I get anyway because I have all my kids with me.  I mean, come on, I can't be the only person in this town with 5 kids, right?  But you'd think I was by the stares I receive.  I try, and almost always, succeed in having my kids behave themselves, especially when we're in a public place.  Lily's heard this phrase a million times from me, "We're not the only ones here.  You need to be respectful to others."  I feel like that's part of my job in raising my kids.  Anyway, Levi was crying, and not getting his way, so he turned up the volume.  I give in...for one reason, and only one reason...because I was trying to be respectful of others.  I know other people don't want to listen to my child cry, but come on, do they really have to glare at me???  They don't just glare at me, but then move their eyes to each one of my kids:  Lily biting her nails, Jasmine messing with an item on the shelf, Rosalie playing hopscotch on the tiles, and Iris singing very loudly, plus Levi crying.  I'm told often by strangers, "You're brave."  "You've got your hands full."  "Are you the baby-sitter?"  "Are they all yours?"  You can imagine what I'd like to say to them, but my dad raised me better than that, and I just smile and give a polite response and go about my way.  I happen to view ALL of my kids as they are: an absolute blessing!  I'm sorry for those that see them any other way.  I find great joy in being their mom...the good times and the trying times.  I ended up cutting my shopping trip short.  We didn't even make it to the grocery side but to get some laundry detergent.  And Levi knew he'd got his way.  As we walked away from the checker, Levi stopped his fit, and was just fine.  I didn't want that because it means I'll have a repeat from him the next time we go to the store.  At home he knows when I put him in his play-pen or in his crib, he's going to stay there until I get him out.  He starts fussing sometimes, but knows I'm not going to give-in to him at the house.  The girls all learned this too.  That's why we don't have issues at bedtime, dinner time, or whatever.  They know when we say something, we mean it.  I wish others believed the same.  If they did, they wouldn't judge me as a bad parent because I'm not bending over backwards to please my child.

Okay, now for the happy ending...although my trip to the store was very frustrating and embarrassing, I wouldn't have any other "job" in the world.  It's not the easiest job, but can come with the most rewards if you work hard at it.  Nothing gives me more joy than being a mom.  On the way home, I was thinking about how the evening would end.  I needed to do something to turn it around.  ***DEEP BREATH IN***  I decided to stop and rent a movie, pick up dinner since I didn't buy any groceries, and spend the evening enjoying my kids.  First thing they said when we got home (even though they knew I was still upset) was, "Thanks for getting us a movie, Mom.  Sorry we didn't act good at the store."  We hung out in the living room, ate dinner picnic-style, and watched a movie together.  Then off to bed for my 5 happy little ones. 

I'm reminded that even though I know I'm doing a good job, I too will have days like today.  But I believe so much in the importance of one's attitude.  Your attitude can change any situation.  You can choose the ending.  I want my kids to grow up feeling loved.  I feel like they already do.  I'm very blessed and fortunate to get to stay home and take care of my family.  I couldn't imagine working a job that took me away from them.  So, I guess I will happily look forward to my next "pull-my-hair-out" trip to the store with my kids...(yes, I do plan to take all of them so people can gawk and stare at my family). 

Oh, and I want to include the picture I took Monday evening.  I was just coming in from the east side of Dallas making my way home.  Beautiful work of God's hand...